Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Mayhem Miller Report

By Jason "Mayhem" Miller

Valentines Day Brog, I mean Blog.

Now that I'm over 25 I have finally in what I (and some other people) consider healthy relationship, and have picked up a few things that I thought I might share with the mayhem monkeys, to better prepare those people who are considering quitting the hump and dump lifestyle, or are getting tired of waiting out the '7-day burn' before humping the next person. "I don't do that!" you say, but comeon, most of your myspace time is spent putting bait on hooks and casting them into cyberspace, hoping that she isn't a tranny when you finally get her number and talk to her on the phone (hey, her pics were hot).

Pop culture
Suddenly you know who Nick Lachey is banging (some hot vj from mtv) and how to Spell/say Lachey (lay-chee whoops, I meant Le-shay) and what number vh1 is on your television (61). You also start remembering the names of products that are mass marketed at you, through your chick. Biore clear pore treatment, tresemme, tresseme ooh la la, and GET HAIRAPY!" All this crap is worthless information to me, but its stuck in my head, and I still can't seem to find the key to my mailbox. Maybe I could file a class action lawsuit on behalf of all victims of the mass media, and make things fair for those who can't ignore the constant barrage of shenanigans we get splashed in our faces by E news Daily.

Fart culture
Although its been beat to death by every two bit comedian on the open mic circuit. There becomes a brand new fart culture in the house. Your humor goes back to a 3rd grade level, and you do tricks like "hear that?" *point to the floor and make a shh motion and point at the floor, when they turn their attention to the floor, rip a fart ( and try not to poop)* terrible, I know. You used to text intelligent and witty banter back in forth, even though you didn't know what she meant when she said

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