These sports need to be off TV

By Some fag named Nick Frost

For the past few years—with the re-emergence of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) and the Spike TV reality hit, The Ultimate Fighter—mixed martial arts have been steadily gaining popularity with their crossover into the mainstream, yet, I still don’t understand why. There isn’t any sort of appeal involved in watching two guys swing at each other—and miss most of the time—for 30 seconds, and then drop to the floor and hold the same grapple on each other for the remainder of the match.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried to catch the UFC craze, either. I sat through an entire fight once thinking that maybe, just maybe, it would lead to something absolutely spellbinding and satisfy my bloodlust. Instead, I kid you not, the two men involved in the fight locked each other into a grapevine maneuver and stayed frozen in that position for four fucking minutes. Spooning is permitted elsewhere, guys, not on my TV screen. Not to mention, this scenario repeated itself round after round until a panel of older, more out-of-shape men apparently decided that one guy did a better job of spooning than the other. What a joke.

Don’t think for a minute, though, that I don’t think that any of these guys could kick my ass, or that their different fighting techniques—in a perverse sort of way—can be considered as part of an art form, like Japanese martial arts. It’s just that, like some forms of art, it’s just not entertaining to watch at all.

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