Dear Don: Advice from "The Predator"

Don Frye has beaten up more men, for more money, in more places than you can even spell. Who better to turn to for advice on love, life, friendship, and more?

In this new feature from IFL.tv, Scorpions coach Don Frye answers your questions, dispensing his own brand of wisdom to make the world a better (or at least more interesting) place. If you have a problem and want Don’s advice, simply email it to deardon@ifl.tv and check back regularly for new installments.

Dear Don,
Valentine's Day is coming up, and this is the first one with my girl. I'm not a real romantic guy and I know she expects something special, besides some half-dead flowers and an overpriced meal, so do you have any ideas/tricks I can use to please my lady and get me some booty this Valentine's?

Here’s what you do. Obviously, you’ve got a computer, so go on the internet and find a place that sells really nice wine. Next, print off a picture of the one the fancy bottles of wine, one of the real expensive ones. Then glue it on top of a cheap bottle.

You see, women like expensive stuff because it means you care enough to spend your dough. My guess is she wouldn’t know a cheap bottle of wine from an expensive one anymore than she’d know a wristlock from a wrist watch. So let her think it cost you a bundle. It’s still got alcohol in it, right?

Once that’s done, do the same thing with a box of chocolates. She’ll like that.

When she comes over to your house you give her the wine and the chocolates. Watch how excited she gets. Once she’s in a good mood you give her two choices: either go out to a strip club or stay in and some watch some fights.

Either way, it should be a pretty good night.

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